I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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