The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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