nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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