I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
