i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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