I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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