She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
