And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
