there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
