My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
