he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
