Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
