he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
