I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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