Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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