I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
