There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
