Im at strip club and am horny
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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