Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
