20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
40s are totally the cure
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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