At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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