Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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