everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize