so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
