Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
