areolas are like halos for boobs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
