my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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