my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
