She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
