Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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