I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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