Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize