Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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