Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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