I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
