i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
