He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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