Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
