I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
