My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
