Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
