Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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