your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
