is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I understand Curling. That high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
