Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
