My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ttyl tear gas
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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