Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
