you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
