There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
