I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
