people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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