You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
