That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
