I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize