I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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