I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
