Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it hurts more in the daytime
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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