i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
