He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
