It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
