went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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