hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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