Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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