so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
