Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
