I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
