his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
