Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
