Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize