I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
