i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
