I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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