He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
