i think i have two assholes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
