I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
