You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
