You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm too high and old for this...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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