went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
