why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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