I love black thongs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
