nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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