she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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