I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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