Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize