dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
