You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
