1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
