So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
