Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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