he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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