hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
