so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
