I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
