new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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