I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize