Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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